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The snuggie, warzones and toilet paper July 31, 2009

Posted by faelix in moron-ocity.
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I have recently been watching too much day time tv. And with it comes infomercials. And the one that bugs me the most is the one for the Snuggie. “Cut down on your heating costs, and buy a snuggie! The blanket with sleeves, but it’s more than just a blanket with sleeves…” blahblahblah. For heaven’s sake, just put on more clothes! You’ll be warm, and you’ll be able to reach for your cup of coffee, or that tv remote, and you’ll be able to walk to the phone without tripping over the excess amount of blanket. “It’s oversized so it suits everyone in the family, just roll up the sleeves!” Yeah, right. I can see a 5 year old kid rolling up the sleeves on that thing… and probably fit right through the sleeves. Put on a jumper and wear some socks.

And straight after the daytime tv that is filled with infomercials is the mid-morning news. There was an article on it one day about a car crash – it had been smashed into two sections. Quite badly. According to the locals, “it looked like a warzone”. What on earth would they know about what a warzone looks like? Really? They’ve probably only seen the sanitised images we see on tv. It looked more like “a really bad car crash”.

And finally, I just saw advertising for Cottonelle for Kids, “With paw prints so kids know exactly how much to use”. I wanted to know a) how much are kids meant to use, and b) how did Kleenex know this was the right amount? I had a look on their site to find out.

From their FAQ page:

Each segment of paw-prints and Puppy is roughly 5 sheets long. Starting with a first paw print, the child should be instructed to follow the paw prints to the Puppy and then tear at the Puppy. This will provide roughly 5 sheets of toilet paper, an average amount for one wipe. A new segment of toilet paper should be taken for each subsequent wipe.

Ok, 5 sheets? I have questions.
How did they work out that 5 sheets was the right amount?
How many sheets is the right amount? 1? 3? 4? 5? 6?
Should you use the same amount of sheets for a number one, as for a number two?
Does the toilet paper teach the child to fold or scrunch?
Should you fold or scrunch?

I also found these two questions (and answers) on the FAQ…

Why is my toilet paper printed on the inside? How do I fix this?
The good news is that this is an easy fix – the toilet paper isn’t actually printed on the inside. What’s happened is that the two plies have become separated, and the inside ply is wrapped around the outside of your roll (you’ll probably also notice that the perforations on the two plies don’t line up). To fix, first make sure your toilet paper is positioned so that it unrolls from the spindle with the sheets coming over the top. Next, steady the roll so it does not move in the spindle. Take the top ply (make sure you are handling only one ply) and unwrap it behind the roll. The print should now appear on the outside, as intended, and the bottom ply should now be longer than the top ply. Tear off the excess bottom plies (approximately 3) and you are ready to go.

When I tear the toilet paper, the perforations on the two plies do not line up. How do I fix this?

The good news is that this is an easy fix – the perforations on the toilet paper aren’t actually misaligned. What’s happened is that the two plies have become separated, and the inside ply is wrapped around the outside of your roll (you’ll probably also notice that the printing looks faded, as if the toilet paper were printed on the inside). To fix, first make sure your toilet paper is positioned so that it unrolls from the spindle with the sheets coming over the top. Next, steady the roll so it does not move in the spindle. Take the top ply (make sure you are handling only one ply) and unwrap it behind the roll. The print should now appear on the outside and the perforations should now be aligned. The bottom ply should now be longer than the top ply. Tear off the excess bottom plies (approximately 3) and you are ready to go.

I never would have thought these kinds of questions would be asked so often. Is it me, or are people really so dumb as to not understand how to fix their toilet paper? Something that is used at least once a day…

And that leads me to the ever popular question: Over or under?
I say over for a few reasons.
That’s the way the print is (if you get printed paper) – if you hang it under, you are exposing the underside of the paper and, thus, not experiencing the full effect of the print that you often may have paid more money for.
And it makes it easier to get to – if you leave a bit hanging from the roll and it’s over, the paper is away from the wall by the remaining thickness of the roll – plenty of space to get your fingers behind the paper to grasp it easily. If it’s under, the paper is generally always a lot closer to the wall with very little space for you to grab it without touching your fingers against the wall.

Maybe I’m just especially picky.

And a final thing related to toilet paper – flushing the toilet, and should the seat be up or down?

There have been studies that show that you should flush the toilet with the lid down. This means that the seat will be down.

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